An Accessoried Man

part five of the menswear deep dive

Hello. Welcome back.

This week my brother pierced his own ears so what better time to talk about accessories for men. Let it be known that I rarely ever condone his actions, and this was no exception. I don’t discuss earrings in here but if you want it, I’ll work on it.

If you’re looking for links to skip to, they’re beyond the paywall. What’s a paid subscription worth to you for a little easy shopping, huh? £4 perhaps? If not, well… rude, but I’ll still let you read the rest. I’m nice like that.

Repurpose some old classics - or utilise them

We’ve discussed how much you need a bag. And a good one at that. So now let’s figure out what you’re going to put in them because nothing is sillier than a 2D-looking thing-holder holding absolutely no things.

I have been thinking about cigarette holders as the perfect accessory for a while. I’m in no way suggesting you take up smoking. If you do smoke then consider one for its intended purpose. Otherwise I think they make great card holders. I like a wallet but I’m yet to find one, for the guys, that I like enough. So for now the cigarette holder is it. There are so many styles online to choose from, especially secondhand, like simple brushed silver cases and gold versions with ornate etchings. I almost gifted one to my brother (and his rollies) but donated the idea to my sister instead when she needed a last minute present.

On a similar note, no pun intended, I say we bring back the money clip. I know cash isn’t so much king as it is court jester these days, but there’s still something about a money clip. I want one even if it’s just for holding my emergency fiver. There are lots available but I particularly like any with engravings. Alternatively, if you like your money out of sight and in the ether, money clips and cigarette cases can be great for storing mementos, notes, and any scrap clippings you want to save. I recommend you start doing this anyway to challenge the bounds of your sentimentality, but even better if facilitated by your new accessory.

Maybe this one seems pointless to you because you live and breathe the digital world, but, in my mind, there is nothing cooler than when you need a pen, and someone has one to offer you. Especially if it’s a nice one; a pen with weight and shine that you have to adjust to holding before you can get back to whatever you needed it for. It feels like a moment from a film starring Humphrey Bogart when I’m handed a pen from a jacket pocket and the ink glides like it’s expensive. Get a good pen and keep that thing on you.

Since we’re talking transportive, I direct you to the signet ring. A classic staple for generations of some families, yes, but I’m thinking more the signature shape of this type of ring. It often looks a little bit heavy and has a smoothness to its curves with any sharpness found in the flat face on which initials or emblems usually sit. I think they’re sleek and I particularly enjoy the commitment to such a ring as it returns to the same finger every day it’s worn. It no longer exists solely as an heirloom. You can find the style in most jewellers and wear it simply because you like it. Then make it your own heirloom and pass it down.

With any of the above add-ons, I suggest diving into the personalisation options. I’ve noticed initialling, embroidering, and engraving has re-infiltrated the world of womenswear accessories and I see no reason why it shouldn't be enjoyed by all. Honour the letters in your name or the history of your family or even your inside jokes and indulge by embedding them within every aspect of dress-up.

Pick & mix

Watches are big. In so many ways. And I am certainly not an authority on them. I pretty much believe that if you see one you love then that’s your watch. If it has a cool brand history then great, you have a story to tell anyone who will listen. If not, who was even asking anyway. To be honest, I don’t really care how much it cost you. I’ll probably only take notice if it looks out of place on your wrist.

What I’m interested in, is how you wear them. I love the high-low of a stoic, cold, metal watch with some colourful finely corded bracelets, like you just came back from a summer holiday with souvenirs or were forced into wearing friendship bracelets handmade by your niece. You chucked them on and then just never took them off and now your wrist blends a little style with a little soul. It’s contradictory and that’s the point. Embrace it.

Along a similar line of juxtaposition, I say it’s time to give into the charms. And I mean all of them. Not necessarily all at once though. Whether they’re on your (new) bag or your keys or added to a metal link bracelet or on your gym locker padlock, it doesn’t matter. The point is that these things should be fun. Your silliness, your childishness (which I know you definitely have), they don’t have to be completely abandoned after life settles into its adult patterns. If you like a little charm because it reminds you of yourself, now or way back when, then put it on. For a second, feel like the version of you as a kid that wasn’t out to impress or perform, but enjoyed just being. Dare I say that it’s charming to acknowledge the versions of yourself and honour them this way.

Shock me will you

Now what I really want to see is some teeny, tiny, dainty, refined rings on some hands. Why is it always about the chunky, knuckle-dusting, hunks of metal as if you’re all waiting on a callback for Sons of Anarchy. It’s not surprising me. Men’s fashion needs more (harmless) shock factor. In fact, it’s missing some femininity, which is not a shock given that almost every major fashion house is now run by male creative directors. That is not to say that they’re not good and worthy, it’s just interesting to observe.

Opening your style up to aspects often associated with womenswear may be what you’re missing. Accessories included. There is something about a thin, delicate ring that transforms from elegance to minimalism when it’s worn in a masculine context. It moves from painterly art to angular architecture in the structural landscapes that our hands’ differences provide. Try on a lighter ring.

If your style is comfortable in its box, maybe accessories can slide its toe across a line in the form of an unusual necklace. We all know the simple short chain and its ego boosting abilities. I don’t hate them. But I’d be interested to see what your actual first choice of a necklace would be if you hadn’t (1) seen normal people or (2) read up on any trends. Would you opt for something as simple or feel magnetically moved by a big pendant bordering on ugly, clashing territory? I can only hope the latter finds its way onto the runway soon because frankly, I want to see it.

Since we’re discussing your neck, let’s jump forward a few months and think about which scarf you might go for this autumn/winter. Here’s hoping you have a girlfriend by then (if you want one) because my suggestion is her scarf. You should wear her scarf. I’m serious. Bonus points if it’s multicoloured or Burberry-patterned. She’ll probably hand it over for a hoodie that smells like you (when you smell nice) or a top that’s comfy to sleep in because your clothes are no doubt made of better quality materials than hers. I want to see the boys in chunky scarves, in skinny scarves, in Burberry scarves , especially the fake knock offs. It’s doable with or without the relationship element. Wrap it around a few times and you’re bundled to the moon. I promise you, you’re going to wish you’d always had this cosy option.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that if you dare to rock a pair of mittens this upcoming winter, I will owe you a years comp to the paid subscription. I’m not completely spotlighting them, but I’m letting you know that they’re on my Mister Accessory list as a courageous winner. For both the humour and gall.

Obviously required

In most fashion, there is function. There are some habits in life that will have you accessorising without realising.

It’s sunny outside, it’s raining outside, it’s a bad hair day, it’s just a little too bright to endure after a rowdy Saturday night but you need a coffee stat. And each time you reach for a cap. It provides a solution but is also an addition to whatever you’ve decided to wear. So if you must do it, do it well. A safe option is a sports team you support, or merch for something you actually like, and especially in colours you wear often. I love eBay finds for old tv shows or random businesses that become funny when worn on the head of someone who clearly does not work there.

Sunglasses naturally fall into this bracket too. They serve a purpose, providing weather-related protection, only this time it’s for the eyes. Sunglasses are personal. It’s all about finding harmony between two lenses and one face. The obvious advice is try on as many as you can and figure out what looks right. You’ll know it when you see it. Reference pictures can help too if you’re not sure where to start, and I find that a classic ray ban or an aviator tend to look good on most people. Keep it simple and channel your favourite menswear icons.

We all spend time listening to music and while I understand this is somewhat necessary, I may have to permanently shut my eyes if I see another gigantic pair of ugly as hell bluetooth headphones bobbing along the street. I am begging anyone reading this to return to the wires. They’re cooler, I’m sorry. Whether you agree or not is at your own risk. But what’s stopping me snatching them off your stupid head when they’re not attached to anything? Besides the fact it may taking a running start with a jump to grab them and getaway as quick as possible. I shouldn’t really be telling you my thieving plan of action. I’m just saying, you might want to get properly connected asap.

This last one may hurt some feelings, but if I see any one of you performatively “reading” a book I will have no choice but to… shake my head disapprovingly and maybe send a ridiculing text to a friend about your display. Realistically that’s about as much as I can do. You deserve to read outside at a café table like everyone else but please, for goodness sake, make it something actually worth the trip. Start with short fiction novels, or the penguin classics at least. None of this misogyny disguised as self-help bullshit. Put your imagination in someone else’s shoes and exist in that world, even if your 2025 focus can only manage one chapter. Otherwise you might as well have the book upside down and your hinge profile stuck to your forehead.

Let’s go shopping…

Here are some selects to get accessorised to the max, plus some book recommendations to take to your nearest outdoor table.